Years ago, it shocked me when I learned I was depressed. I was not weepy or crying. The healer had to be wrong. But she was not. She was brilliant. Sh
Years ago, it shocked me when I learned I was depressed. I was not weepy or crying. The healer had to be wrong. But she was not. She was brilliant. She informed me way back then that Black women present differently. I looked at her, unconvinced. I was not falling for whatever she was selling. I was not sad. I was not sad. I was not sad.
I could not sleep. Afraid to sleep really. I could not focus. My body was in a lot of pain. I was quick to snap. Filling my calendar to overflow. I was numb. I was a zombie in my life. But, and this was important to me, I was not sad.
Black women are often taught — directly or silently — to survive first, feel later. Because of that, depression rarely fits the soft, tearful stereotype.
It often becomes:
1. High-Functioning Depression
She still works, raises children, serves the church, handles emergencies — and falls apart in private. People say:
“She’s strong.”
But she’s exhausted to her bones.
2. Irritability Instead of Sadness
Instead of crying, it may look like:
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Quick anger
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Frustration
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Low tolerance for stress
Anger feels safer than vulnerability in a world that punishes Black women for softness.
3. Somatic Symptoms
Emotional pain becomes physical:
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Back pain
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Headaches
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Stomach issues
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Fatigue that no amount of sleep fixes
Many Black women say, “I’m just tired,” when the truth is deeper.
4. Overachievement as Armor
Depression may hide behind:
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Extra responsibilities
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Perfectionism
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Being “the dependable one”
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Avoiding rest because rest feels dangerous
If she stops moving, the feelings might catch her.
5. The Strong Black Woman Mask
Cultural scripts demand resilience:
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Don’t complain
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Don’t show weakness
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Don’t be a problem
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Everyone is depending on you
That mask hides symptoms until they erupt.
6. Spiritual Bypassing
Instead of seeking help, many are told:
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“Pray about it”
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“Give it to God”
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“Don’t claim depression”
Faith becomes a pressure cooker instead of a refuge.
7. Delayed Care
Due to:
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Valid Mistrust of medical systems
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Misdiagnosis (pain and emotional distress not taken seriously)
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Lack of culturally aware providers
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Fear of judgment
Black women often reach crisis before getting support.
The Heart of It
Depression in Black women is rarely a quiet sadness.
It is:
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A smile that doesn’t reach the eyes
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A calendar full of commitments she is too tired to keep
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A body that aches from carrying everyone else’s world
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A spirit begging for a break she doesn’t feel allowed to take
Why This Matters
When we don’t understand how depression presents in Black women, we:
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Miss the signs
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Mislabel symptoms as “attitude” or “strength”
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Leave her isolated behind her competence
The world praises her survival and overlooks her suffering.
Affirmations
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My worth is not measured by my productivity, my smile, or my ability to ‘push through.’ I am valuable simply because I exist.
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Being tired does not mean I am incapable. It means I have lived through more than most people could imagine.
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I can ask for help without shame. I am deserving of support, presence, and people who stay.
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My emotions do not make me dramatic. My honesty makes me brave.
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Joy is not gone forever; it is simply resting. I am creating space for it to return in its own time.
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I release the lie that I must be strong at all times. My softness is sacred, not a flaw.